Fw: Blue Moon

Dear Sweetie,

I've waited a long time. Hindi pa rin kita makita. Pasensya na, kung dumating ka na, at pinalagpas pa kita. Kung kilala mo lang sana ako, siguro maintindihan mo pa. Kaso, kahit ako, naguguluhan sa sarili ko.

Hinintay kita, in my own little way. Simula pa siguro nung 12 years old ako. Pero, in fairness, tuwing may namemeet ako, ndi ako napapasigaw ng "this is it"... "eto na"... or "yeeesss".... kasi baka ndi ikaw yung dumating... ayokong magtaksil sa yo =).

Antagal kang pineprepare ni Lord. Mukhang nainip na ko. Or mukhang pineprepare din ako ni Lord, at mukhang naggive up na rin sya sa kin. Ang kulit ko daw kasi.

Sana masaya ka sa buhay mo, ngayon at sa mga darating pang panahon. Kung may asawa ka na, bumuo ka ng isang pamilya na magiging productive citizen ng mundo. Sana matupad lahat ng pangarap natin sa pamilya mo.

Sayang no, ndi nangyari yung kasal na pinlano natin! Siguradong sobrang ganda nun... kahit ndi man sa ibang tao... sigurado ko, sa ting dalawa, sobrang heaven ang feeling natin. Si Lord kasi... (manisi ba??? At si Lord pa sinisi).... ndi tayo nakapasa sa Will nya. O kung ndi man, napakadense nating dalawa, kasi kahit anong plano nya, ndi naman natin pinakikinggan.

Kahit ano namang mangyari, alam ko naman, ndi nya tayo pababayaan. Lalo ka na, lam mo bang palagi kitang pinagdadasal? Nun pa, mula pagpasok sa eskwela hanggang sa buhay mo ngayon. Lam kong ndi naman mawawala ang problema, pero lagi kong iniisip na nandyan naman Sya, pareho nya tayong minamatyagaan. Kaya hang in there, like I'm doing here.

May mga pinili tayo siguro na mas importante ng panahon na dapat naging tayo. Minsan, gusto ko ring magsisi pero andyan na yan. Ikaw ba nagsisisi? Palagay ko naman, may kanya kanya tayong tamang dahilan kung bakit ginawa natin yun. Tignan mo nga, kahit Sya, piniling igalang ang choices natin. Kung sakali man na nagiging dahilan yan ng minsan paglungkot mo, hamo na, lilipas din yan. Just get up, tayo na lang tayo uli.

O sya, hanggang dito na lang, hope your well.

Anonymously yours.

P.S. Naalala mo ba nung una tayong magkita? Hindi? Ah oo, ndi pa nga pala ano? Kasi minsang tumingin ako sa buwan, akala ko nakasabay kita. Blue moon pa naman nun. :)

Blue Moon
You saw me standing alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own
Blue Moon
You know just what I was there for
You heard me saying a prayer for
Someone I really could care for
And then there suddenly appeared before me
The only one my arms will hold
I heard somebody whisper please adore me
And when I looked to the Moon it turned to gold
Blue Moon
Now I'm no longer alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own

Counting My Blessings and Becoming a Steward

What I like most about my work is it's perks: I get to travel, have a stable income, meet friends with common interests and have access to technology, to different industries and fields of interests. I got this great passion for it, that sometimes I expect too much, not just from the work itself, but also from the company and from colleagues. You know how it is when you get to have such high expectations: frustrations and conflicts would always be around the corner.

Case in point: it's not the work but the environment that comes with it that would always cause my burden. It's easy to like work, love it at the most, but if it doesn't come with a sense of pride, contentment or some sort of fulfillment, then it becomes overbearing. All of that can be affected at some point by external factors, mostly by people around you.

At the same time, it's also these same factors that can make me stay longer. Once the office has become a second home/family, it becomes a place of comfort. It then becomes hard when God calls and asks me to embark in another journey because it's rare to find such a place. Yet God lets me know the He only asks me to move on and experience life so I can learn further and grow as an individual.

How much God accomplishes by giving us such blessing! Together with this gift, God gives us a chance to develop our character and abilities. As we grow, we become better stewards of His blessings -- that same gifts that He wants to bless others with, through us (Matthew 25:29-For to everyone who has, more will be given and he will grow rich). We're able to teach others of the things we learn and experience, and share the financial gifts that come with the work we have. At the same time, we live out our Christian faith, and with it, the gospel is shared to our fellowmen.

Isn't this what the parable of the talents all about? (Matthew 25:14-30- a man called on servants to be stewards over his possessions, entrusting different amounts of talents for the servants to cultivate.) Jesus is telling us through the parable that God has given us different skills depending on what we can do, have and bear. As entrusted stewards, it's up to us how we cultivate those talents, to the best of our abilities.

So when work becomes a burden, stop and pray. Follow His way. He gave it because He believes in the greatness of "you". Didn't He love you enough to give up His Son? Whatever the burden brings, hear what the Lord is telling you. Even if all logic and reason fail, offer everything to Him. Because in the end, anything that you lift up to Him will prove its worth.

You gave Your life completely for me
Nailed in the
cross so I can be free
Now is my time to give it to You...

I choose to be devoted to you
I bring my gift, a heart of sacrifice for You
I'm taking your Hand
I'll follow the Feet
that once was pierced
for me...

-from the song "Devoted", Southside Christian Church

CLP: What I learned outside the modules

Grace and Surrender. That was the core message God has given me all throughout the CLP in Novena last year.

Do you know, God knocked three times before I answered the call? First two invitations came from friends when I was still back home, in the Philippines. Though I tried to join, there always seems to be a reason not to.

Third time came which, strangely enough, was something I sought out. I was lucky... no… blessed by His Grace... that at the time, there was going to be a CLP in Novena (Matthew 7:7-seek, and ye shall find). I later heard it through the grapevine that leaders were thinking about not pushing through with it but again, by Grace, the Lord called and many came to heed the call.

True or not and even then, I personally experienced the same temptations and obstacles that seem to hinder me to continue with the program, i.e. work, traffic, problems at home, rain. All these "invisible snags" reminded me now of this hilarious fiction novel called Good Omens*, a story about an angel and a demon trying to save life on earth from ending. Crowley, the demon talented in tempting, at one point, bragged about one of His Deeds of the Day....

"I tied up every portable telephone system in Central London for forty-five minutes at lunchtime... twenty thousand people got bloody furious... You could hear the arteries clanging shut all across the city... Then they went back and took it out on their secretaries or traffic wardens or whatever, and they took it out on other people... In all kinds of vindictive little ways which, and here was the good bit, they thought up themselves... The pass-along effects were incalculable. Thousands and thousands of souls all got a faint patina of tarnish."

The likes of Crawley seems to have their own creative ways when it comes to fulfilling their mission. I know there’s a risk of confusing fiction with reality here, but this somehow describes how I saw that the CLP didn't escape their attention. There were little hitches you just can't shake off. If I had to rely on myself, I would have done the same thing I did previously, which is to not continue with the program. But at the end of the day, when it's time to go and catch the train, God clears my way and leads my path. Who then am I to say no?

And though there appeared to be hindrances, I was able to complete the whole program, not missing any of the modules, the baptism and the graduation. I knew then that it was all not by me, since if it was, I wouldn't have finished that journey. God did have something to say, and I was called to hear it.

God works in many ways to renew our Christian life, as we respond differently, being unique in so many levels. Yet He only wants one true thing, and that is for us to have a stronger relationship with Him, growing through the Holy Spirit. He's bringing us out from all the muddle life brings, back to Him and to the life that He calls us out to.

Somehow, the Lord has taught me to take up that active faith, surrender everything to Him, not to lose control but give it up to Him. (Psalm 46:10-Be still, and know that I am God. I am exalted among the nations, I am exalted in the earth!)

CLP has brought all this to my life, a lesson I'm still trying to learn everyday hence.

* Good Omens by Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman is a fantasy comedy book about an angel and a demon and their efforts on delaying the ends of the earth. First published in 1990, the book has since gone through several editions.