Fw: Blue Moon

Dear Sweetie,

I've waited a long time. Hindi pa rin kita makita. Pasensya na, kung dumating ka na, at pinalagpas pa kita. Kung kilala mo lang sana ako, siguro maintindihan mo pa. Kaso, kahit ako, naguguluhan sa sarili ko.

Hinintay kita, in my own little way. Simula pa siguro nung 12 years old ako. Pero, in fairness, tuwing may namemeet ako, ndi ako napapasigaw ng "this is it"... "eto na"... or "yeeesss".... kasi baka ndi ikaw yung dumating... ayokong magtaksil sa yo =).

Antagal kang pineprepare ni Lord. Mukhang nainip na ko. Or mukhang pineprepare din ako ni Lord, at mukhang naggive up na rin sya sa kin. Ang kulit ko daw kasi.

Sana masaya ka sa buhay mo, ngayon at sa mga darating pang panahon. Kung may asawa ka na, bumuo ka ng isang pamilya na magiging productive citizen ng mundo. Sana matupad lahat ng pangarap natin sa pamilya mo.

Sayang no, ndi nangyari yung kasal na pinlano natin! Siguradong sobrang ganda nun... kahit ndi man sa ibang tao... sigurado ko, sa ting dalawa, sobrang heaven ang feeling natin. Si Lord kasi... (manisi ba??? At si Lord pa sinisi).... ndi tayo nakapasa sa Will nya. O kung ndi man, napakadense nating dalawa, kasi kahit anong plano nya, ndi naman natin pinakikinggan.

Kahit ano namang mangyari, alam ko naman, ndi nya tayo pababayaan. Lalo ka na, lam mo bang palagi kitang pinagdadasal? Nun pa, mula pagpasok sa eskwela hanggang sa buhay mo ngayon. Lam kong ndi naman mawawala ang problema, pero lagi kong iniisip na nandyan naman Sya, pareho nya tayong minamatyagaan. Kaya hang in there, like I'm doing here.

May mga pinili tayo siguro na mas importante ng panahon na dapat naging tayo. Minsan, gusto ko ring magsisi pero andyan na yan. Ikaw ba nagsisisi? Palagay ko naman, may kanya kanya tayong tamang dahilan kung bakit ginawa natin yun. Tignan mo nga, kahit Sya, piniling igalang ang choices natin. Kung sakali man na nagiging dahilan yan ng minsan paglungkot mo, hamo na, lilipas din yan. Just get up, tayo na lang tayo uli.

O sya, hanggang dito na lang, hope your well.

Anonymously yours.

P.S. Naalala mo ba nung una tayong magkita? Hindi? Ah oo, ndi pa nga pala ano? Kasi minsang tumingin ako sa buwan, akala ko nakasabay kita. Blue moon pa naman nun. :)

Blue Moon
You saw me standing alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own
Blue Moon
You know just what I was there for
You heard me saying a prayer for
Someone I really could care for
And then there suddenly appeared before me
The only one my arms will hold
I heard somebody whisper please adore me
And when I looked to the Moon it turned to gold
Blue Moon
Now I'm no longer alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own

Counting My Blessings and Becoming a Steward

What I like most about my work is it's perks: I get to travel, have a stable income, meet friends with common interests and have access to technology, to different industries and fields of interests. I got this great passion for it, that sometimes I expect too much, not just from the work itself, but also from the company and from colleagues. You know how it is when you get to have such high expectations: frustrations and conflicts would always be around the corner.

Case in point: it's not the work but the environment that comes with it that would always cause my burden. It's easy to like work, love it at the most, but if it doesn't come with a sense of pride, contentment or some sort of fulfillment, then it becomes overbearing. All of that can be affected at some point by external factors, mostly by people around you.

At the same time, it's also these same factors that can make me stay longer. Once the office has become a second home/family, it becomes a place of comfort. It then becomes hard when God calls and asks me to embark in another journey because it's rare to find such a place. Yet God lets me know the He only asks me to move on and experience life so I can learn further and grow as an individual.

How much God accomplishes by giving us such blessing! Together with this gift, God gives us a chance to develop our character and abilities. As we grow, we become better stewards of His blessings -- that same gifts that He wants to bless others with, through us (Matthew 25:29-For to everyone who has, more will be given and he will grow rich). We're able to teach others of the things we learn and experience, and share the financial gifts that come with the work we have. At the same time, we live out our Christian faith, and with it, the gospel is shared to our fellowmen.

Isn't this what the parable of the talents all about? (Matthew 25:14-30- a man called on servants to be stewards over his possessions, entrusting different amounts of talents for the servants to cultivate.) Jesus is telling us through the parable that God has given us different skills depending on what we can do, have and bear. As entrusted stewards, it's up to us how we cultivate those talents, to the best of our abilities.

So when work becomes a burden, stop and pray. Follow His way. He gave it because He believes in the greatness of "you". Didn't He love you enough to give up His Son? Whatever the burden brings, hear what the Lord is telling you. Even if all logic and reason fail, offer everything to Him. Because in the end, anything that you lift up to Him will prove its worth.

You gave Your life completely for me
Nailed in the
cross so I can be free
Now is my time to give it to You...

I choose to be devoted to you
I bring my gift, a heart of sacrifice for You
I'm taking your Hand
I'll follow the Feet
that once was pierced
for me...

-from the song "Devoted", Southside Christian Church

CLP: What I learned outside the modules

Grace and Surrender. That was the core message God has given me all throughout the CLP in Novena last year.

Do you know, God knocked three times before I answered the call? First two invitations came from friends when I was still back home, in the Philippines. Though I tried to join, there always seems to be a reason not to.

Third time came which, strangely enough, was something I sought out. I was lucky... no… blessed by His Grace... that at the time, there was going to be a CLP in Novena (Matthew 7:7-seek, and ye shall find). I later heard it through the grapevine that leaders were thinking about not pushing through with it but again, by Grace, the Lord called and many came to heed the call.

True or not and even then, I personally experienced the same temptations and obstacles that seem to hinder me to continue with the program, i.e. work, traffic, problems at home, rain. All these "invisible snags" reminded me now of this hilarious fiction novel called Good Omens*, a story about an angel and a demon trying to save life on earth from ending. Crowley, the demon talented in tempting, at one point, bragged about one of His Deeds of the Day....

"I tied up every portable telephone system in Central London for forty-five minutes at lunchtime... twenty thousand people got bloody furious... You could hear the arteries clanging shut all across the city... Then they went back and took it out on their secretaries or traffic wardens or whatever, and they took it out on other people... In all kinds of vindictive little ways which, and here was the good bit, they thought up themselves... The pass-along effects were incalculable. Thousands and thousands of souls all got a faint patina of tarnish."

The likes of Crawley seems to have their own creative ways when it comes to fulfilling their mission. I know there’s a risk of confusing fiction with reality here, but this somehow describes how I saw that the CLP didn't escape their attention. There were little hitches you just can't shake off. If I had to rely on myself, I would have done the same thing I did previously, which is to not continue with the program. But at the end of the day, when it's time to go and catch the train, God clears my way and leads my path. Who then am I to say no?

And though there appeared to be hindrances, I was able to complete the whole program, not missing any of the modules, the baptism and the graduation. I knew then that it was all not by me, since if it was, I wouldn't have finished that journey. God did have something to say, and I was called to hear it.

God works in many ways to renew our Christian life, as we respond differently, being unique in so many levels. Yet He only wants one true thing, and that is for us to have a stronger relationship with Him, growing through the Holy Spirit. He's bringing us out from all the muddle life brings, back to Him and to the life that He calls us out to.

Somehow, the Lord has taught me to take up that active faith, surrender everything to Him, not to lose control but give it up to Him. (Psalm 46:10-Be still, and know that I am God. I am exalted among the nations, I am exalted in the earth!)

CLP has brought all this to my life, a lesson I'm still trying to learn everyday hence.

* Good Omens by Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman is a fantasy comedy book about an angel and a demon and their efforts on delaying the ends of the earth. First published in 1990, the book has since gone through several editions.

Making Pillows Part 2

Taken from Dave Wampler-"Simple Living" network (www.simpleliving.net)

Know that where you are right now is exactly where you should be. Don't worry if you haven't accomplished what you think you should have or what others expect you to accomplish. Be okay with where you are and work forward from there.

You can't do them all. Cut out activities that aren't consistent with your core values. Take your most difficult or dreaded tasks and complete them first thing in the morning. Get them out of the way in order to allow yourself to concentrate on other tasks rather than worrying about the ones you really don't want to do.

Have a clear vision of where you want to go in life. You don't need to know how you will get there yet, just know where you want to go. Have a clear understanding of your values and what is important to you.

Write a list of goals you'd like to achieve. Focus on doing a few really well, rather than a lot in a mediocre way. You can't add hours to the day, but you can cut down on activities.

Say no instead of yes. People agree to requests from others because they like to please them. Instead, realize that you have a right to say no. Creating plans or policies makes saying no easier.

Do you have an answering machine, cell phone, voice mail at work, pager, email? You may want to cut some of these off so that you can accomplish your goals without constant disruption. At the very least, start turning off your cell phone and using it only when you need to call someone. Set aside a specific time each day to answer emails or messages to avoid changing course each time you return a phone call.

Cut back on television time. Only watch those shows you decide on beforehand. Circle them in the television-listing magazine. Then turn off the television when the program is over. Cancel extra cable television packages for channels you rarely watch. Go for broke.

Pierce recommends spending 15 minutes every day going through a closet, a shelf, a drawer, and getting rid of anything you don’t need or cherish. "What’s exciting is that once you start on these surface areas, weeding that out, the skills and mindset carry over to more complex areas like your work and relationships." If you're not using something, get rid of it. Put an expiry date on items when you can't decide to keep them or not. Get rid of them when the expiry date arrives.

Use automatic payments or bank online to have bills paid automatically each month. Automate repetitive, clerical, mechanical tasks. For instance, set up automatic bill payments. Include your automatic savings plan as part of your monthly spending.

Make a plan for the weekend that doesn't involve work. Stop spending time with people who are a drain on your energy or vitality.

Carry a smaller wallet or purse. Start by cleaning out the one you've got. Get rid of unnecessary credit cards and other clutter that you don't use regularly.

Make time for yourself. Set aside time each day to reflect quietly, go for a walk, plan for your future or meditate. Slow down: "Spend 30 minutes a day in silence and solitude," says Pierce. "It will help your mind to relax, so you can shift from the "work-and-spend treadmill," she says, "and focus on what’s most important to you." Find 10-20 minutes each day to sit and relax, do nothing, or meditate. This is a few minutes to reflect on your day, your vision and to clear your mind.

Cut back on debt. Consolidate your different debts into one and pay it off. Put your credit cards in a spot where you won't be able to use them until you're debt-free. Track your expenses for a month, then cut back your spending on items you don't need.

Plan time for a vacation every year.

Work where you live, or live where you work.

Be in bed by 9 p.m. one night a week.

Live on half of what you earn, and save the other half.

Keep asking, "Is this going to simplify my life?"

Rarely buy anything new. Think creatively. The answer doesn’t have to be "buy a new one."

Prolong the life of whatever you own. Use less. Don’t toss anything if it can be reused or recycled somehow.

Use a date book or PDA consistently. Write down everything you and your family need to do and make it a habit to check your schedule on a daily basis.

Making Pillows Part 1

details here: http://magazines.ivillage.com/redbook/print/0,,289455,00.html

I stumbled into an article in IVillage regarding simplifying life last month. I've written some thoughts on it previously but the diary-x site (my previous journal site) suffered a server mishap last week, damaging all diaries. Unfortunately I didn't keep copies of my entries.

I based my new year's resolutions on these articles. So no excuses.
This year's current theme is to simplify my life. To keep a record I'm keeping a rundown list of the things they mentioned in the article and, well, some plan on my end on how to fit each habit in my life...

1. Embrace your insignificance

No matter what I do, people will always have a single definition of who and what I am. It's due to an unconscious trait common to human, to put everything and everyone in a box. It's not everyday that I need to explain myself, or prove my own point. I need to choose my battles and accept myself first before anybody can accept me.

Tough. :).

2. Let go

eeerrr... see point 1.

3. Do nothing -- alone

I would always plan my whole day, weekday or not, from 7am to 7pm. I let go by nightfall but only because the rest of the time serves as my funnel for the other things I planned earlier that needed more time to accomplish.

And so now, there's going to be more spontaneity ...

on a weekend...

between friday night and saturday afternoon...

6pm to 12noon...

hehe.

4. Do nothing -- with your family

Watch eat bulaga over the net with the family back home every Saturday. A for Ai-ffort!

5. Follow the money trail

Install the Budget/Accounting software. Jot down expenses. And torture self for not buying that Charles & Keith sandals.

6. Keep an old quilt in the car trunk

My version of this is to take the bus rather than the subway. Take the seat in the front, play Cueshe or Hale in my mp3 player and watch the sun set on my way home.

Aaaah. Life's a box of chocolate.

7. Buy no colored socks

I bought Le chic jeans, all stretched and blue.

It's all about comfort.

8. Eat the feast in your refrigerator

Picture Jewel in the Palace... everything's quite nice except that it's inhumanly possible for me to resist the temptation of a delicious taho or Arnold's fried chicken once in a while. Life doesn't become simpler when all you can think about is food.

9. Practice gratitude

"I am my own." And I'm thankful to realize it now. Most of the times I share with my friends now are truly amazing. I never had so much fun in life. And just for that, I'm truly grateful to God everyday. When I grow old and grey, and all I have is the rest of the time in my life, just being able to remember these times will be enough to make me utter an almost eternal gratitude.

10. Grow things

I'll be growing my blog. And myself by learning arts, history and music. And asking music to love me too :).

11. Express beauty

One word. Bake.

12. Pretend you have just three friends

Toughest one. For now I have decided to narrow it down to the closest in my circle. I'm also tired of reaching out, expecting too much and then being frustrated in the end.

I love people. I've always believed that you can never truly experience everything in this world. The only other way is to know other people, experience what life brings through them.

Yet after all, I need to be sane.

13. Spoil your husband

eeerrr... how about spoiling myself?

14. Paint one room

I can't paint the room since I'm not allowed to ;P, but i started out by imagining myself one nice afternoon, having tea and watching the telly on one side of my room...
and then the rings started to move outwards....

15. Make pillows

Each day is a pillow. They're all so huggable. :)

Fw:Lessons on Life

Forwarded by a friend...

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons
to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent
them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a
pear tree that was a great distance away. The first son went in the winter, the second in the
spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in
the fall.

When they had all gone and come back, he called them
together to describe what they had seen.

The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and
twisted.

The second son said no it was covered with green buds
and full of promise.

The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with
blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so
beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever
seen.

The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it
was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and
fulfillment.

The man then explained to his sons that they were all
right, because they had each seen but only one season
in the tree's life.

He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a
person, by only one season, and that the essence of
who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come

from that life can only be measured at the end, when
all the seasons are up.

If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the
promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer,
fulfillment of your fall.

Moral lessons:

Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of
all the rest.

Don't judge life by one difficult season.
Persevere through the difficult patches and better
times are sure to come some time or later

Fw: Why do you go to Church?

Forwarded by a friend...

A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday. "I've gone for 30 years now," he wrote, "and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them. So, I think I'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all."

This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this:

"I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But, for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this.. They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today.
Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!

"When you are DOWN to nothing.... God is UP to something! Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible! Thank God for our physical AND our spiritual nourishment!

21 factors to be successful

Forwarded by a friend....

1. Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness and misery
2. Work at something you enjoy and that's worthy of your time and talent.
3. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
4. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
5. By forgiving of yourself and others.
6. Be generous
7. Have a grateful heart
8. Persistence. Persistence. Persistence.
9. Discipline yourself to save money on even the most modest salary.
10. Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated.
11. Commit yourself to constant improvement.
12. Commit yourself to qualify.
13. Understand that happiness is not based on possession, power or prestige, but on relationship with people you love and respect.
14. Be loyal
15. Be Honest
16. Be a self starter
17. Be decisive even if it means you'll sometimes be wrong.
18. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life.
19. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did.
20. Take good care of those you love.
21. Don't do anything that wouldn't make your parents proud

Wednesday

Look at him
just waiting
as she walks
with her eyes on his
She says
"I've always dreamed of this"
she never thought
he felt this way
Loving wasn't such an easy thing

two lives as one
one smile
as she looks at him
one vow
to make it true
this is the promise of forever

He promised a lifetime
It was forever for her
and now that this moment is here
a start of a new beginning,
something real
Love is here to stay

on this perfect day
love is here to stay
a start of a new beginning

Look at them just waiting
as he took her hand without waver

On My Mind Tonight

how do i begin to forget
when thoughts of you
keep stumbling in my head
will you ever leave my mind
leave it all behind
now that you've become
a story i can never tell
how could i face tomorrow
when i'm living in our yesterday
as i dream of you holding my hand
your smile,
your touch,
the way you look in my eyes
i don't know what it means
but i never seem to hold back
memories of you
still remains in my heart

My Own

I am my own.

Now that I've finally realized

I am not just...

my father's daughter.
my mother's friend.
my brother's sister.
my friend's confidante.

I am my own.

El-Dee

got a smile from you today
seems like it never ends
same ol' cycle that i'm in
yet still hopin' you'll catch my drift

it seems like i'm in my longest dream
you'll never know so why pretend
there's no use in hidin'
or all i get is your smile
my lost desire

Lipat Bahay

Ateng, bakit nasa blogspot ka na???

February 24, 2006 Dear Friends,
There is no easy way for me to say this.
Diary-X has suffered from an unrecoverable drive failure. Due to a combination of issues, the last backup (from December 2004) contained only configuration files and other non-essential files. We do not have any other backups for the site. All journals, user information, forum posts, templates, images, and everything else are all irrecoverably lost.
In the past several hours, I have had to decide whether or not I should put the site back online at all. Only those users who backed up their own journals (either using the journal download tool or otherwise saving each entry) would be able to reconstruct their journals. Everyone else would have to start over. Whatever developed as a result would still be called Diary-X, but it wouldn't be the same.
I believe it makes the most sense to close Diary-X permanently. Tentatively, the site will go dark on March 31st, 2006.
Thank you for being so generous with your donations during this crisis. Your generosity and kind words were the sole bright spots during this disaster. If you would like a refund, please send an e-mail to mdeken@gmail.com with your name and PayPal e-mail address, and we will process it as soon as we can, hopefully within 24 hours.
If you would like to discuss this matter further, you may contact me at the address below. I will do my best to answer your questions if they were not addressed here.
Regretfully,
Stephen Dekenstephen.deken@gmail.com
Q. What happened with the drive? I thought DriveSavers was the best.A. I had a long conversation with the engineer that worked on the drive. What happened was that the read heads slipped slightly out of alignment and began what is known as 'head skip,' which means that the heads skipped along the platters like a stone across water. Each time they hit the platters, they destroyed a little bit of data (somewhere around 256 bytes). Because they were skipping, they were reading bad data, so the drive attempted to compensate by moving the heads away and back again, which caused the heads to skip into more areas, which the drive then attempted to read from, which moved the head and caused more damage. Given that the drive spins at 7200 RPM, a few hours worth of this type of treatment just completely hosed the drive. DriveSavers was able to get 'fragments of files,' but they were not able to recover anything substantial at all. The physical damage was just too extensive.


"Hayuupp... journal entries ko mula '99 nawala lahat *singhot*... well, SSDD... saym syet diprent dei."

si pepe...

I first heard of ambeth ocampo in Jessica Zafra's Twisted Klite Show. That was a few years back. Later on, sa pagiging tambay ko sa favorite bookshop ko (powerbooks megamall), nagtrip tripan na naman ako and went to browse on the coffee table books about national heroes. There were books about Rizal, I opened some and saw his pictures; he’s posing differently. Ndi posing na pang-dalawang piso. There were pictures pa with Hidalgo and Luna. Ay may barkada pala si Pepe.

That's when I stumbled on “Rizal Without the Overcoat”. What made me notice it was the cover that shows Rizal with the superman logo sa dibdib. When I saw the name of the author, I knew then that this book would be interesting. I was so curious, but like Rizal, medyo nagkukuripot ako. That's what I love about Powerbooks, I can browse the book freely, without being guilty of being caught by manong guardia. If Rizal had the same access, I would have bumped on him siguro :) (wishing..).

I treasure books though I have to read/browse on them first or know the author's works before I collect them. At that time, I had some other “treasures” in mind, so I had to contend with browsing it muna. There were a lot of anecdotes that I didn’t know Rizal did. It was such a contrast for me to see a different side of the hero, like writing about the boisterous americano he encountered in one of his trips. (I do believe Rizal did get the wrong impression about the man, talaga mang nakakainis maybe the comments the americano had made came from the feeling of missing his homeland, and this is his way of coping with it. Kulang siguro sa tulog si Rizal kaya ndi nakuhang mag-emphatize?) My interest peaked though when I came across Mr. Ocampo’s question on whether Rizal was a leftist, rightist or central-ist? And that hilarious scene in Noli where the girls and boys have to share one banca because “may limang butas ang bangka na kelangan din ng limang pangpasak”. I recalled in high school how the boys in our class would laugh about this.

But I'm getting ahead with my story.

I wasn't fortunate enough to continue perusing the book, scatterbrained as I was (still am!). Naalala ko na lang ang book na to later, when I found Jessica Zafra's twisted blog in the net.

Pag nagkukuripot ka talaga, you find ways to support your needs and wants. At pag wala, you rationalize your spendings. :) This is how I stumbled on a copy of the book in a Singapore library. For $1.55 (almost 50 pesos), I was able to reserve a copy. Okay na yun, tulong ko na lang yung singkwenta pesos sa SG library, which still stand as my favorite place in this part of the world. I was so proud to find a filipino author here. Much more was to get something about my country's national hero.

Naging tao sa kin si Rizal after I finished reading the book. Kasi naman, we're trained to know Rizal as a super-enigma person, a great genius. But we were not taught to question the facts presented in our textbooks, much better to memorize everything and get the course done and over it. I'm sure this is not what the great Recto had in mind. But I would like to raise my hat to him as he did make us not forget this great man. I was not even aware that Rizal had been a great topic for debate as my classmates are also, I suppose. All I remember from my Rizal class was that we just needed to participate in a field trip to Subic to complete our requirements. At least yun lang, sa iba, they needed to memorize poems of Rizal.

The book is a collection of articles the author wrote about Pepe. What I loved about it is Mr. Ocampo’s style in conveying the facts about Rizal's life, one that will interest people like me coming from the masa crowd. Ndi textbook ang dating. His innate passion about Rizal shows in this compilation, he doesn't deny it, which makes his stories more colorful. Ang sarap nya sigurong maging professor, tiyak pila ang course nya sa enrolment.
Kids are truly lucky these days; they have so much access to information. Haay.

God's loving silence

Again, from Streams in the Desert, I came across a lovely story. This is about a woman who dreamt of three women praying and Jesus amidst them.

As He approached the first of the three, He bent over her in tenderness and grace, with smiles full of radiant love and spoke to her in accents of purest, sweetest music.

Leaving her, He came to the next, but only placed His hand upon her bowed bead, and gave her one look of loving approval.

The third woman He passed almost abruptly without stopping for a word or glance. The woman in her dream said to herself, "How greatly He must love the first one, to the second He gave His approval, but none of the special demonstrations of love He gave the first; and the third must have grieved Him deeply, for He gave her no word at all and not even a passing look.

"I wonder what she has done, and why He made so much difference between them?" As she tried to account for the action of her Lord, He Himself stood by her and said: "O woman! how wrongly hast thou interpreted Me. The first kneeling woman needs all the weight of My tenderness and care to keep her feet in My narrow way. She needs My love, thought and help every moment of the day. Without it she would fail and fall.

"The second has stronger faith and deeper love, and I can trust her to trust Me however things may go and whatever people do.

"The third, whom I seemed not to notice, and even to neglect, has faith and love of the finest quality, and her I am training by quick and drastic processes for the highest and holiest service.

"She knows Me so intimately, and trusts Me so utterly, that she is independent of words or looks or any outward intimation of My approval. She is not dismayed nor discouraged by any circumstances through which I arrange that she shall pass; she trusts Me when sense and reason and every finer instinct of the natural heart would rebel;--because she knows that I am working in her for eternity, and that what I do, though she knows not the explanation now, she will understand hereafter.

"I am silent in My love because I love beyond the power of words to express, or of human hearts to understand, and also for your sakes that you may learn to love and trust Me in Spirit-taught, spontaneous response to My love, without the spur of anything outward to call it forth."

This devotion has touched me because I'm now living in the silence of God. After all these years, I find myself comforted in this silence. I am like the second woman. Sometimes I do falter and become the first, and I'm longing to be the third someday.

God has given me the Grace to know this now. To become the "incredible absorbing man".

"They also serve who only stand and wait."

One message stands out today. "They also serve who only stand and wait."

I found this while reading today's Streams in the Desert devotional. And then a friend has forwarded me an article from Fr. James Donelan, S.J entitled "The Sacrament of Waiting".

All these things have reminded me of the first devotional I read from Streams in the Desert, which is about God's loving challenge, "to think of the deepest, highest, worthiest desire and longing of our hearts, something which perhaps was our desire for ourselves... That thing God intends to do for us, if we will let Him." - Nothing is too hard, by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman (6-Nov).

For days I've been asking what my next stop will be. Maybe because it's the beginning of another year again. I've been asking and waiting.. no, I've been demanding at first, apathetic the second, ending up not being sure of whether each step I take is according to what He wills for me.

"For if we never learn to wait, we will never learn to love someone other than ourselves."

He taught me something important again today. All the while, I was expecting. Giving up the waiting was a means to avoid disappointment, convincing myself that it's the only way towards acceptance.

I forgot all about hope. That whatever happens, things will work out well. After all, I'm only here for His purpose.

I feel that this is an important day. Because for the first time in my life, I'm sure that each and every second of my life, each event, each situation, each person, are all here acting for His one single purpose. That for a brief moment, I saw His Hand on me.

Someone is coming. I'm too elated, it's leaving me breathless.


====================================================================================
THE SACRAMENT OF WAITING
Fr. James Donelan, S.J.

The English poet John Milton wrote that those who serve only also stand
and wait. I think I would go further and say that those who wait render
the highest form of service. Waiting requires more discipline, more
self-control and emotional maturity, more unshakable faith in our cause,
more unwavering hope in the future, more sustaining love in our hearts
that all the greatest deeds of derring-do go by the name of action.

Waiting is a mystery - a natural sacrament of life - there is a meaning
hidden in all the times we have to wait. It must be an important mystery
because there is so much waiting in our lives. Everyday is filled with
those little moments of waiting (testing our patience and our nerves,
schooling us in self-control). We wait for meals to be served, for a
letter to arrive, for a friend to call or show up for a date. We wait in
line at cinemas and theaters, concerts and circuses. Our airline
terminals, railway stations and bus depots are great temples of waiting
filled with men and women who wait in joy for the arrival of a loved one
- or wait in sadness to say goodbye and give the last wave of hand. We
wait for springs to come - or autumn - for the rains to begin and stop.
And we wait for ourselves to grow from childhood to maturity. We wait
for those inner voices that tell us when we are ready for the next stop.

We wait for graduation, for our first job, our first promotion. We wait
for success and recognition. We wait to grow up - to reach the stage
where we make our own decisions. We cannot remove this waiting from our
lives. It is a part of the tapestry of living - the fabric in which the
threads are woven to tell the story of our lives. Yet current
philosophies would have us forget the need to wait. "Grab all the gusto
you can get!" So reads one of America's greatest beer ads - get it now!
Instant pleasure, instant transcendence. Do not wait for anything. Life
is short
- eat, drink and be merry because tomorrow you will die. And so they
rationalize us into accepting unlicensed and irresponsible freedom -
pre-marital sex and extra marital affairs - they warn against
attachments and commitments - against expecting anything of anybody, or
allowing them to expect anything of us - against dropping any anchors in
the currents of our life that will cause us to hold and wait.

This may be the correct prescription for pleasure - but even that is
fleeting and doubtful - what was it Shakespeare said about the mad
pursuit of pleasure - "Past reason hunted, and once had, past reason
hated."


Not if we wish to be real human beings, spirit as well as flesh, soul as
well as heart, we have to learn to wait. For if we never learn to wait,
we will never learn to love someone other than ourselves.

For most of all waiting means waiting for someone else. It is a mystery,
brushing by our face everyday like a stray wind of leaf falling from a
tree. Anyone who has loved knows how much waiting goes into it - how
much waiting is important for love to grow, to flourish through a
lifetime. Why is this? Why can we not have it right now what we so
desperately want and need? Why must we wait - two years, three years -
and seemingly waste so much time? You might as well ask why a tree
should take so long to bear fruit - the seed to flower - carbon to
change to diamond. There is no simple answer - no more than there is to
life's other demands - having to say goodbye to someone you love because
either you or they have made other commitments; or because they have to
grow and find the meaning of their own lives - having yourself to leave
home and loved ones to find your own path - good-byes, like waiting, are
also sacraments of our lives.

All we know is that growth - the budding, the flowering of love needs
patient waiting. We have to give each other a time to grow. There is no
way we can make someone else truly love us or we them, except through
time. So we give each other that mysterious gift of waiting - of being
present without asking demands and rewards. There is nothing harder to
do than this. It truly tests the depth and sincerity of our love. But
there is life in the gift we give. So lovers wait for each other - until
they can see things the same way - or let each other freely see things
in quite different ways.

There are times when lovers hurt each other and cannot regain the
balance of intimacy of the way they were.
They have to wait - in silence - but still present to each other - until
the pain subsides to an ache and then only a memory and the threads of
the tapestry can be woven together again in a single love story. What do
we lose when we refuse to wait; when we try to find shortcuts through
life - when we try to incubate love and rush blindly and foolishly into
a commitment we are neither mature nor responsible enough to assume?
We lose the hope of truly loving or of being loved.
Think of all the great love stories of history and literature - isn't it
of their very essence that they are filled with this strange but common
mystery - that waiting is part of the substance -the basic fabric
against which the story of that true love is written.
How can we ever find either life or true love if we are too impatient to
wait for it?

Waiting is a good thing only if something is worth waiting for. How will
you know if it's worth it? Gut feel. What if you don't trust your gut?
Pray. You will be enlightened. Trust me. Is it wrong to expect while
waiting? It's not wrong, but it will increase your chances of heartbreak
and disappointment if things don't work out in the end. Is it good to
expect while waiting? It is better to HOPE. What's the difference
between hoping and expecting? HOPING means you're open to either side of
the coin landing though you're more inclined to believe that things will
turn out well.
EXPECTING means you're thinking single-track... which won't do you much
good at all. What's the difference between waiting and expecting?
EXPECTING is waiting for something TO DEFINITELY HAPPEN. WAITING is
staying where you are, but not necessarily expecting something to happen
definitely.

Do you need assurance from someone you're waiting for while you're
waiting? Ideally, yes. But realistically, do you really want assurance
from this person? It's so easy to just point at something and make that
the reason why you're waiting ("Because she said..."
"Because he told me that..."). With WAITING, all you really can rely on
are three things: your gut feel, your heart and mind. Just YOURSELF, not
anyone else.
So should you wait? What does your gut say? How does your heart feel?
What does your mind think? If they're saying different things, keep
asking yourself these three questions (and pray!) until you get a solid
answer.

THEN you'll know if he or she is worth waiting for.
====================================================================================

Na margem do rio Piedra eu sentei e chorei by Paulo Coelho

MY FAVORITE PRAYER...
"Thy will be done, my Lord. Because you know the weakness in the heart of your children, and you assign each of them only the burden they can bear. May you understand my love—because it is the only thing I have that is really mine, the only thing that I will be able to take with me into the next life. Please allow it to be courageous and pure; please make it capable of surviving the snares of the world."

"Our Lady, give me back my faith. May I also serve as an instrument of your work. Give me the opportunity to learn through my love, because love has never kept anyone away from their dreams."

LOOKING FOR LOVE...
"That well brought many people here, with their hopes and dreams and conflicts. Someone dared to look for water, water was found, and people gathered where it flowed. I think that when we look for love courageously, it reveals itself, and we wind up attracting even more love. If one person really wants us, everyone does. But if we're alone, we become even more alone. Life is strange."
"It says that a city can be moved but not a well. It's around the well that lovers find each other, satisfy their thirst, build their homes, and raise their children. But if one of them decides to leave, the well cannot go with them. Love remains there, abandoned—even though it is filled with the same pure water as before."

MEETING GOD...
"God is here, right now, at our side. We can see Him in this mist, in the ground we're walking on, even in my shoes. His angels keep watch while we sleep and help us in our work. In order to find God, you have only to look around.
"But meeting Him is not easy. The more God asks us to participate in His mysteries, the more disoriented we become, because He asks us constantly to follow our dreams and our hearts. And that's difficult to do when we're used to living in a different way.
"Finally we discover, to our surprise, that God wants us to be happy, because He is the father."
"And the mother," I said.
"Yes, and the mother," he said. "In order to have a spiritual life, you need not enter a seminary, or fast, or abstain, or take a vow of chastity. All you have to do is have faith and accept God. From then on, each of us becomes a part of His path. We become a vehicle for His miracles."

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS...
"...The world is at a point when many people are receiving the same order: 'Follow your dreams, transform your life, take the path that leads to God. Perform your miracles. Cure. Make prophecies. Listen to your guardian angel. Transform yourself. Be a warrior, and be happy as you wage the good fight. Take risks.'"

JUDGING THE LIVES OF OTHER PEOPLE...
We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.

Fw: Listen With Empathy

Forwarded by a friend....




No matter how outrageous, inconsiderate, false, self-centered,or pompous the person you're talking to is, remember: He or she is simply trying to survive, just like you. We're all participating in the same physical and psychological struggle. Some of us just have better survival strategies than others.Thus, the obnoxious person deserves more pity than scorn.



"The wounded deer leaps highest," Emily Dickinson wrote, and it's true.



So listening with empathy means asking yourself, "Where is this person's anger coming from?" "What is he or she asking for?" "What can I do that's reasonable and supportive?" You're not everyone's shrink, and you don't have to carry the weightof the world on your back.But, on the other hand, if you can think through what makes this person behave like this, perhaps you'll be inclined tocut them a little slack. Genuinely listening well is, at its heart, an act of love, and as such, may help heal.



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Dr. Tony Alessandra, author of "Dr. T's TimelyTips", is available as a speaker for corporate andtrade association meetings. Teleseminars andwebinars are also available.

Contact HolliCatchpole at SpeakersOffice: 1-800-222-4383 orHolli@SpeakersOffice.com

*******

To Ba-Ding or Not To Ba-Ding

You ask, "is he a man or not?"
Well, here's a little trick: carry something heavy; if the man you're with asks to help you out, say you can manage. If he insists, he's definitely one. He wouldn't be able to resist.
If he doesn't insist, he may be:
(a) gay - best friends or not, gays tend to see women as competition (live and let live)
(b) bad breeding - poor mama ain't too proud
(c) both

That, or you're already married to him.(tsk tsk tsk)

gulong ng palad

san ba galing ang phrase na "gulong ng palad"?
may palad ba na may gulong?
wheel of palm?
sabi ng 'sang kaibigan ko, ang palad daw dun ay destiny sa ingles.
so, wheel of destiny?
sabi naman nung isa, "wheel of destiny... umiikot kasi ang destiny..."

ah. kaya pala nahihilo ako.