Spaghetti ni Lalud

Spaghetti Ni 'La 'Lud 🎶 Sahara nights | F R David

Trieste - my intro to Central Europe

My view from Miramare Hotel (Thank you for a nice room with a view!)

Trieste is a milestone for me.
It was the first place where I travelled and stayed alone.

It was the first place I visited in Central Europe.
It was the first place I visited under the Friuli-Venezia Giulia region.
It was the first place where I saw lots of half-naked sunbathing folks.

Since it's been years since I went back to Europe, I wanted to spend some time on a suburb other than Slovenia where I can see if I can survive a number of days with just good ol' me. The quiet days that I long for is a good respite while I embark on completing one of my bucket wish list - to travel alone. Two birds in one stone.

There are many perks on travelling alone as you all know. But what I enjoyed most is the freedom to do whatever you want without adjusting to another traveller's goals or without making others adjust to your own. I am a bit naive though and it was helpful for me to have watched Taken (the first movie) before all this happened. So whilst traveling, there was a constant fear in me which made me always... always... check my surroundings or the people around me. I didn't have the indulgence to be lost in one place, which people who have travelled with me will swear is my biggest fault - disappearing for some time and will only return once I'm satisfied with my shots. I have this false notion that I am safe, because I can easily find them if things go wrong.


I only realised all that when I travelled alone. There was this incident in the Amsterdam Schiphol airport where I was questioned about the purpose of my travel. I suddenly realized that if I get detained and I didn't have someone to call from Slovenia, the next kin would be in Asia, hundreds of miles away.

The Lovely Holland Tulips

Or if I miss one of my transfers because I got lost in my stop-over in Milan, the next plane will only be available on the next day and I will be sleeping (no I will not be able to sleep!) in the airport alone. But what I discovered most of all is that silent bubble around you once you go through the journey. You are there yet it's easy to begin feeling that you are just an audience watching the hustle and bustle around you. This is when I really understood why foreign tourists would always raved about Filipino hospitality. Too bad it is slowly being threatened by scams and petty crimes.

Trieste unita d'italia-I wasn't able to get a good shot because of the event, with lots of police cars. Again, I was like in a bubble just watching folks.

I wanted to go to Austria but when Trieste was suggested to me, I started to get curious. I already love to visit places with Roman ruins which Trieste is abundant, but my research led me to my greatest pull to this place, the amazing sunset over the sea, the Castello di Miramare and the story of Princess Charlotte of Belgium when she became the wife of Emperor Maximilian I of Mexico.


My IR Shot of the Miramare Castle

I regretted to say though that this is one of those museums where you can't take pictures. It was beautifully restored and you can almost feel the eeriness of it all. Having been built for a dozen of centuries, you are transported through time as you move around the castle and the exhibits on each room - from the Maximilians era, the parties of Emperor Joseph and Elizabeth of Austria until the American troops takeover in the 1940s. I felt though that I was trap in the thought of how Princess Charlotte moved around the castle. Even if she left this castle for Belgium and live forever in seclusion, I imagined that in her mind, she kept going back to this place, haunted by the life she had spent in this castle with the promise of a beautiful future and a heartbreak that she carried for the rest of her life.

The princess could have been looking out to the port in front of the castle while waiting for her husband. In modern times, this would be the parking. Gara!

Yes, I can imagine how a lovely young woman like her can carry that broken heart forever. Like Maximilian's last words - Poor Charlotte!

After visiting the castle, my next stop is Trieste Unita D'Italia. Now this is where I made that awful mistake of deciding to walk. I am good in using Google maps and getting directions, but not on measuring distances. And so, at the middle of the noon sun, I ended up walking the streets of Viale Miramare towards the plaza. Halfway through the road I was really debating on taking the bus or a taxi because it was soooooo hhooot! But I didn't review on the language and the transportation system so I really didn't have much choice but to keep walking.

The walk involved a stop for a Lemon Soda. When I started to pay, the tindera started to get agitated and said "uhhmm... picollo, picollo.", pointing to the bill. I gave a smaller change and she started to smile. I honestly think we were both flattered that I understood her. That, or I just save her the trouble of looking for someone to break the bill.

 It took 4 effing hours before I was able to reach my destination. I wanted to kiss the ground!

One of the buildings in the plaza.

The main town square is very vast and it seems to me the center of Trieste in a tourist's point of view. This is actually a good place to start your trip. I choose to place it second to the Miramare castle though because my hotel is nearer to the castle. I went here on a Saturday so there were a lot of people hanging around the mall at the back of the main building. It is also near to tourist spots like the Castle of San Giusto so I also found tourists like me roaming about. There were two options for me to go around - the walking tour, which I immediately scrapped and the hop-on hop-off bus.

Both options will lead me back to the Miramare hotel whilst giving me a chance to enjoy the rest of the tourist spots. As I was climbing the bus and enjoying the company of other tourists travelling alone like me, I was silently thanking the Almighty that I existed in a generation when this tour already existed. I am sure my feet are thankful too because when I've reached the hotel, all I can think about is lay in that sunbathe chair outside my veranda and enjoy a lazy break while waiting for the sunset. I made a quick stop to Bar La Nave found next to the hotel where I bought this scramble ice cream. They have other choices for sandwiches, ice creams and drinks that you can eat in an outdoor setting. But because of the heat, I opted to just go back to my room and enjoy my veranda.



I found this which I first thought as ice cream but it turned out to be like scramble in PH, hence the straw. I really love it, please bring this to Manila, Selecta!

I would have to say that one of the best choices I've made when I went for this trip is to stay in Miramare hotel. I was debating on a hotel nearer to the town square but how can you say no when even if in the hotel's website, you can already hear the sea!

My veranda, I want!

The only setback I could remember now is on actually finding the place. Thankfully, the cab driver knew who to call for directions and she (yes lady driver, girl power!) might have missed one turn because of the small sign, but after that we were able to reach the hotel without a hitch. Funny thing was that when I told her "Keep the change!", she can't understood what I was saying. We spent almost 2 minutes trying to decipher what each other was saying and I have to hold back my laughter because she might be offended by it. When she finally knew what I meant, we gave a short sigh at the same time, and that's when we started laughing. It looks like it's not a good practice to tip in Trieste!

Breakfast and dinner are served in the restaurant next to the lobby of the hotel. I was worried that I have to go to the plaza and buy food to take to the hotel during my trip. Food is truly Mediterranean. I also found that one of the staff is Filipino so I knew I was in good hands.

The Breakfast Buffet

Mediterranean Dinner

The only problem is Restaurant Le Vele is in a romantic setting having those candle-lit tables and a sea view. I kinda felt out-of-place with only my trusty iPad to accompany me.

So during my last night, I opted to end my day with the comfort of a Seafood Carbonara pasta and soda drink at La Terrazza Dell'Ostello Di Giovanni Tosto. I must say I didn't plan to visit this ristoranti when I was building my itinerary because the website didn't have much info on it. But on the mornings I spent walking near the breakwater, I always see how inviting it was. I decided to try it out while waiting to shoot for the sunset.

It was a little dry for me, being used to be served with indulgences on the carbonara sauce, but the seafood compensates for it. Service was excellent!


My last sunset in Trieste

So finally, dear readers, here is the sunset I've waited for. We had some good times, this sunset. Deep conversations, a promise of good day on the morrow while I say my goodbye and thanks for a very nice weather and rewarding journey. Needless to say, it was an adventure that I will remember for the rest of my life.

Slovenia Feast

I took a trip a few months ago to Celje, Slovenia to visit my long-time friend Dey and her husband Simon. It was one of the best trips I made in Europe mainly because the Skets were very hospitable and is always willing to share their time to show me the culture and the food. They helped me try out a lot of dishes when I was in Celje, but I think for the most part, what I wouldn't forget is the trip to the museum and having a chance to know about Alma Karlin, who I now quote in my profile. But I digress.

When I travel, I don't start by pretending to know even the smallest thing about a place. It helps me keep an open-mind about the food, the language and the culture. I use the little knowledge that I have as a conversation starter instead with locals and other travellers, mainly to confirm or clarify what I know.

And this is what I've learned in Slovenia. If you are to feast in this place, I would suggest to travel the country with a local. Cliche I know, but for the most part, I think the food is prepared to be experienced with a group of friends or family. Take for example the Ajvar.

Ajvar Dip - this preserved dip consists of paprika, tomato, red carrots and pepperoni. It is mostly home made with ingredients grown organically and is served with meat. We ate this one afternoon when we visited the Sket's uncle and aunt in the suburbs. It can stand out on its own yet I find that the flavor complements all the meat that was served with it.

Flower Honey - Celje is also popular for their honey bee farms. After all it's also the best place to find a lot of variety of flowers, so it's not surprising to get most of their honeys from flower nectar. I saw some dew honeys as well but I think the best kind of honey is the flower honey because it's sweeter and more aromatic. I enjoyed mine by pouring the honey over my favorite strawberries (the sour kind) to balance the sourness of the fruit with the sweetness of the honey. Ready to serve!

Elderflower juice - I almost felt obsessed with this refreshing, sweet and fragrant drink. It's also very light and not as filling as sodas or other fruit juices which I usually hate (that's why I made it a habit to just drink after I finish eating my meal). With the elderflower, I can enjoy having a full meal with desserts with it without feeling bloated at the end.

Strukli - I'm pretty sure this is also a Croatian dish so I was surprised when I saw it in the Old Celje Castle. The Skets were talking about pancakes, so I pictured the American version. Well, it was a treat because it turned out to be this sweet little delicacy. I think it's the influence of the Croatian strukli and the Austrian strudel which gives it's unique personality.

Kremsnita - I have seen this vanilla and custard cream in puff pastry base cake both in Italy and Slovenia. But I think it's more popular in Croatia. Eating it reminds me of Brazo De Mercedes and that's why I kept missing the meringue. It's too sweet for me too and too filling and that's why I would have opted an extra reach for that chocolate swirl at the back if I wasn't too full with the Kremsnita.

Rukola salad - nothing is most simplest yet entertaining but the rukola salad. This one has all the right ingredients for me, the greens, the meat, the cheese but most of all the baby tomato on top. The combination reminds me of how something comfy can come up from simple things. A dash of pepper and an extra swing on the cheese and I can already imagine myself sitting in a reclining chair in front of the Boracay beach with lime juice at my left side and my trusty ipad on the other. Oh wait, I nudge myself. I'm still in Celje.

Pizza - oh my, my thigh. I remember that Friends episode where Christina Applegate guests as Rachel's sister Amy. One glance at the pizza and she said "one moment in your lips, forever in your hips!". Now everytime I see pizza, I remember this phrase. I think both pizzas below found their way to my hips. One has the over indulgence of melted cheese and the other the biggest effing cut of pepperoni. There were a lot of choices in the menu but these two top my lists.

Pljeskavica - last but not the list is the biggest patty I've ever seen. I think this is bigger than that New York New York Giant Yankee burger. I opted to not got with the bread and just eat the meat and the salad. Its very tasty and I think it is a mixture of a variety of meat, mainly pork and beef. I missed the ajvar with this one but having a spicy red sauce was also a good choice.

Everything here is meant to be shared with friends and family as I mentioned earlier but in a hindsight, your adventure can start by being able to share them as well with other travellers. Most of the people I met would always opt for the simplest dish, a breath of fresh air for me coming from places where fusion is always the main theme. In the end, it's the dish coupled by intimate conversations that makes the hearty, satisfying meal.

Congratulations Mr Felix Baumgartner

Photo Credit:USA Today
Congratulations to Mr. Felix Baumgartner for breaking the record today for the highest manned baloon flight, highest skydive but most of all for breaking the speed of sound!

"I know the whole world is watching right now and I wish the world could see what I can see. Sometimes you have to go up really high to understand how small you really are.” - Felix Baumgartner 

More news here: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/9608084/Felix-Baumgartner-breaks-speed-of-sound.html

3 Quick Fix for Stress



 Some would go to a tranquil place...

Some would go to a bar...

Some just sleep...

I always go for a food trip.

A trip in Balestier Bak Kut Teh in Ion Mall is top on my list. I pair up a spare rib soup with lime juice but it will not be complete with that dark sweet and spicy soya. How to eat:

1) Slurp the soup

2) Grab a piece of the rib

3) Dunk in the spicy, sweet soya

4) Eat

5) Drink Lime

6) Repeat 'til you run out of the ribs.

On a very bad day, I would add rice and boiled peanuts with my order. The soup though is really enough to calm you down.

I do sometimes ran out of room for the pork ribs, so a great alternative for me is BonChon chicken. Previously a secret to the world, I guess the long lines in Ion Mall has confirmed the revelation. I do always go for the drumsticks since I hate wings. And then I go with the hot sauce because its fun to get a hot and crunchy bite. Lastly, I need soda. No juices. Its not fair to the chicken.

When all is done and I still want some pick-me-ups, I go to the Candylicious shop in Takashimaya and pick up my favorite Hershey dark chocolate, the extra something-something mints and most of all the sparx popping candy. Of all three, it's the popping candy that wakes the little kid in me. Once the candies are popping in my mouth, it takes me back to my childhood, when days are spent with a trip to the sari-sari store and have a pick of candies in the jar. Just for a moment, I can see myself looking at those jars, making a simple decision of choosing that popping candy and be amazed of how little fireworks seem to pop in my mouth.

Kalderetang Itik

 One rainy day calls for something like this - Kalderetang Itik (Duck Stew). Our neighbor Aling Beth cooks the best itik in Bagong Ilog. In fact, her shop is famously know as "Kalderetang Itik ng Bagong Ilog" which you can also find in Facebook. Ironically, it is not stewed in tomato sauce, much like all other Kaldereta dishes are cooked but is just stewed with a lot of spices. Paired with mayo and rice, it's sinful yet you'll find yourself negotiating with the Almighty just to have a few moments to spend with this dish. I'll definitely will mellow down with this for a bit if I can... or at least just try to drop the mayo.

Immmmm bbaaacckk...

It took a while, almost 3 years I believe. I did sporadically blogged on tumblr, multiply, even facebook. But I should say the real reason is it took sometime to go back to my own self and to go back to writing. I will still go back time and time again to what had happened but I'm sure time will heal everything.

In the eve of a special day, I now would like to remind myself.

In the meantime, I would like to share this 

Awesome blog by Crabby McSlacker.

In Another Lifetime by Quiver

The band recorded our first video via PointBlancStudios. I must admit that after this shoot I ended up with a nasty flu, probably because of the heat and lifting my keys. Added to that was I needed to wake up so early after a long overtime work the previous day.

But you know what, it was all worth it. Especially after seeing the resulting video by Point Blanc.

On My First Hysterversary...

It was a rough road but I owe it up to a number of people for being able to survive the year and therefore write this thank you note.


A year ago today I was suffering from pain so great for the first time in my life and I just know that without the miracle of prayer intercession and overwhelming support, I would not have been here this year writing this. I still remember the feeling of being so scared, calling up my father and making bilins na.

"The Lord says do not be afraid. We sometimes cant understand and recognize He is always there. He is reassuring and reminding us "I am here" have you forgotten "I love you-showing himself on the cross."

After prayers from my mom and sisses in the household and the intercessory, it was a miracle that I was able to get up, go to the doctor, get the MC, book my flight, survive the travel without a hitch and be scheduled for the surgery 2 days after. I was physically alone but I know God had sent me angels along the way for me to be able to go back home. When finally the doctor was asking about the blood donations, I have already surrendered everything to Him for He has already shown me that He is above all things and is in control of everything. At that time, all I can do was pray and ask my friends to pray as well.

The ordeal made me grateful of all things, from the simplest to the most complicated activities, that I can do. I was grateful when I was able to get up from the bed and walk. I was thankful when I was able to take the first step, then another one, 'til I was normally walking again. I was thankful to be able to take the first bite and not throw up afterwards. I was thankful to be able to finally clean my own surgery wound. I was thankful to be able to finally take a bath on my own.

I am thankful for being able to remember the names of people around me.
I am thankful that the biopsy was good news.
I am thankful for being able to travel to the Philippines, Hong Kong and Australia.
I am thankful for being able to climb the Sydney bridge and the stairs of the 360 HK Cable car.
Most of all, I am thankful for being alive today, able to provide for my family.

To my friends without faces in HysterSisters.com... who made me realize that not all people will understand what I was going through, maybe they will in the future, maybe they will never do, but it was a relief to hear your stories and advises and know that someone out there understands fully what I was going through.

So obviously, after a year, I'm still dealing with the emotional part, the shock of the loss and the whole ordeal. Experts say it's still a long road for me when it comes to that part. HealingHope said "Illness frightens a lot of people and younger people are especially awkward because they usually don't have a lot of experience with it. Reach out for the support you need, don't wait for people to "notice." I send you a ginormous hug." I myself is still at a loss but am very thankful for the steadfast faith, His now and then reassurance comes along if I just stop and listen carefully. So thank you my family and friends for being His instrument.

sabi nga ni lady gaga, luv luv luv!  

Ageless by Suzanne Somers -- must read, especially for all the women I know.

"So you can imagine my surprise when my gynecologist told me that I had a pre-precancerous condition (not cancer, not even precancer) growing in my uterus and that in order to prevent possible severe problems down the road, I would need to have my uterus removed." - Suzanne Somers.

She's now my hero, every page is a tearjerker.


Taking Charge of Your Own Health
"To remain oblivious to the hidden regenerative processes inside your body will cause you to die unnecessarily young."
— Ray Kurzweil and Terry Grossman, MD, Fantastic Voyage

Five years have passed, and as of this writing I have now been happily pronounced cancer-free. What a relief. No longer does each ache and pain trigger a fear in me of "Oh God, is 'it' coming back again?"

Cancer does that to you. It's an inner nagging, a constant reminder that there could be something bigger than yourself lurking out there in the shadows, sitting back, like a predator, deciding when and if it cares to strike again. Now, finally, I can release that fear. The predator has been locked up, in prison, hopefully never to be let out again.

Along the way in this war I have been fighting have come the blessings. I am truly loved by those who mean the most to me. They showed me this over and over during this time. Through it all, I learned about my own strength and courage. I didn't know I had it in me to buck the system by choosing unconventional therapies and doing it my way. But you see, I was never able to wrap my arms around the "standard of care" set forth by Western medicine as the way to treat cancer.

more here: http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20090128_tows_somersageless/3

Just A Little Bit Caught In The Middle

A few weeks ago, i was in a 'hope for the best and prepare for the worst.' attitude. I kept myself numb just in case I get the worst. Is it just fibroid or is it cancer? I might have escaped cancer but the surgery is non-negotiable. It was sometime after the surgery when I got the surgical pathology report results at hand.

Diagnosis: Intramural Leiomyoma, Secretory Endometrium, Endocervical Polyp, Chronic Cervicitis with focal squamous metaplasia and nabothian cyst. Unremarkable fallopian tubes. Hemorrhagic Lutein Cyst, left ovary. Cystic follicles, right and left ovaries. 

Good News: No Cancer. 

Bad News: Bye Babymaker. So many cysts, including an 11.5 cm in diameter inside the uterus. No choice but to be Ganap na Bakla.

After all that has happened, I want to shout it out to the world... I did it! I did it! (and then add a little colorful swearing in the end... I'll leave it up to your imagination.). The grace of having a second chance in life didn't dawn on me when my doctor said 'The memory of the operation will fade and you can get on with your life.' It didn't dawn on me when I was finally able to eat anything. It didn't dawn on me when I was about to ride the plane.

It dawned on me after being deeply touched by the love of my family and friends. It dawned on me after watching those people who though I tried to stay away still had the heart to sought me out had found me and stayed with me through the tough times and the endless waiting.

I am still a work-in-progress. I still have that after-6-months-check-up, dreading the whole process of nurses poking you and going through that waiting period again. But it is still so far away. There is still the challenge to face my ordinary everyday life. To slowly learn everything again.

This week was my week of experiments. I tried to walk longer than 10 minutes. I tried to ride the mrt (for two stations, yey!). I ate in a kopitiam, carrying a heavy tray (which the doctor would have advised against, but i did it anyway and will not do so again, I promise). I went out with my friend for lunch and coffee. I went to a movie. I tried to walk as fast as other people do. The latter was a bit painful, but I'm glad nobody noticed.

I know I've abused it when I start feeling feverish. The minute I do, I stop everything. I stay quiet for a moment and just let the pain pass. It doesn't happen too much now. But my common sense does tell me that I still need to take it easy for at least a little while. There's just always the feeling of utter exhaustion. In short, I'm succeeding to pretend I'm normal. So successful that people are starting to forget. And I hope it continues 'til I am back to normal again.

There are times when I wake up feeling overjoyed to just watch the sun rising up from my window. I was never a sentimental person. Not until now. And ironically, I'm thankful for that. To be able to appreciate great things in my life like a little bit of sunshine. It's a humbling experience.

They say it last for a while. Until life starts to lock you in again to an endless routine.

So I decided to write this with the hope that I'll always remember this celebratory feeling - that whatever life sends from now on, you have this to say "I survived this... the next one should be easy."

Crossroads

Just a few minutes earlier, I was listening to Cranberries' Ode to my
Family. Before that I was cleaning my cupboard, saw my notebook na 4
years old na and read my early journal entries, addressed to some friends, back during the days na nag-uumpisa pa lang ako sa Singapore. Nostalgic. And before I loose this journal, maybe it's time to publish it.

*** tinginingnginingngining ***

It's been 4 years. Anniversary ko dito sa 24th. Ang layo na ng
narating nating lahat, alam nyo ba? Naalala ko na nung nagtratrabaho
tayo (at nagkukunwaring working students) sa isang kumpanya sa Pasig,
ang una kong binili sa sweldo ko eh album ng cranberries (at new kids
nyahaha). At habang naduduling na ko sa antok habang nagpro-proof
read ng entries tungkol sa iba't ibang klase ng wine at alcohol,
pinapatugtog ko ng paulit-ulit ang Ode to My Family.

Kaya pala medyo naninibago ko. Kasi nun, lagi tayong nakakulong lang
sa isang kwarto habang nagtratrabaho. At madaling araw pa, madilim sa
labas. Ngayon, habang sinusulat ko to at nakikinig sa Cranberries,
ang taas-taas ng araw.

At amoy beho ang katabi ko.

Nung nasa Cambodia ako, na-amaze ako sa simple ng buhay nila. Mahal
ang lahat. USD eh. Pero ang yumayaman lang ang mas mayayaman at
humihirap ang mga mahihirap.
Sawnds pamily?? =)


Nung nandun nga kami, sabi ng isang kasama ko "eh parang Pangasinan
lang to eh" (taga-Pangasinan sya). And yeah, it made me remember
those days na pumunta tayo dun. Yun na yun nga yun. Ahihihi.
Kulang na lang bagoong-isda, kamatis at kanin. Saka Karaoke na
singtaas ko ang speakers.

Aaahh…. At saka kambing ano? Hehe.

After that trip, tinatamad na uli ako sa work ko. Ano bang bago,
ganun naman ako lagi dibadibs? Hehe. Laging naghahanap ng change sa
buhay. Laging tumatakas sa commitment. Laging ndi mapirmi sa isang
lugar. Nag-iisip na nga ko kung ano pa bang ndi ko nagagawa na gusto
kong gawin pagtapos ng trip na yun.

Ah meron pa. Ang mag-missionary sa Africa. Ang tumalon sa Australia. Masunog ang balat sa Greece. Ang pumunta ng Seattle at makaututang dila ang Pearl Jam… (syet nahawakan ko na yung gitara ni Eddie Vedder, so kahit yung roadie na lang hehe).

Oo nga pla, alam nyo ba ng nasa Cambodia ko, nakasama ko sa sasakyan
at nakakwentuhan yung dating kainuman ng beer ni Sting?? o-ha o-ha o-
ha hehehe

Unhappiness. Where's when I was young and we didn't give a damn?
Coz we were raised to see life as fun and take it if we can.

Dose anyos ako nung naranasan ko ang first birthday ko na walang
children's party. Kakabalik pa lang kasi ng tatay ko galing Saudi. So nawalan na ng trabaho. Ayaw na nyang bumalik pagtapos kumayod ng madaming taon dun.
Masama ang loob ko. Kakapractice pa lang namin kasi ng barkada ko ng
sayaw para sa party eh. Tapos ndi pala kami sasayaw. Saka walang
spaghetti at putong madaming kulay. Walang bertdie cayk na may sanrio
(kiki & lala) na nakapatong sa icing. Tapos ndi tutugtog yung "I am
but a small voice… I am but a small dream" ni lea salonga sa cassette
player.

Nnndeeehh… walang ganun…hehehe…. Meron lang spaghetti at puto hehe.
Umupo ako sa gilid ng hagdanang bato ng bahay namin. Naalala nyo pa
yun? Kunwari nag-eemote eh. Ang batong yun, pag umupo ka at sumandal,
mapapatingin ka sa langit.

Wow. Ang ganda ng clouds. Blue na blue! (joookkkee)Hehe. Masingit lang talaga

Me dumaan na eroplano. Ang bagal. First time kong makakita ng ganung
eroplano. Yung parang nakasabit lang sya sa ere. Tinuturo ko nga ng
hintuturo ko yung buntot. Kunwari tinutulak ko. Ssuupppeerrggiirrl!
Tapos sabi ko sa sarili ko, sasakay ako dyan. Tatakas ako dito.
Pupunta ko sa ibang lugar. Makikipaglaro sa iba-ibang bata. Tuturuan
ko silang sumayaw ng Hangin' Tough!

Toink! Hayun biglang tapik sa kin ng lola ko, sabay sabi "anong
ginagawa mo dyan!! Kainit-init, maligo ka na nga dun!"
Tanghali na pla.

Nakakatuwa ang mga batang bagong salta dito ngayon sa Singapore. 23
years old. 24 years old. Puno ng pangarap. Puno ng plano. They made
me look back. Ang sarap ng nagsisimula pa lang at walang kamuang-
muang sa mundo. Sabi ko nga sa first journal entry ko dito, 2 years
lang ako mag-stay. Mag-iipon ng mabilis para sa mga bagay na minimithi,
gawin ang mga gustong gawin na ndi nagagawa ng nasa pinas pa. Sabi ko
rin , ndi ako makapaniwala na nandito ako. Biglaan nga pala ang pagpunta ko dito. Nagising na lang ako ng isang araw at nandito na lang ako. Kaya sabi ko rin, alam ko plano to ng Diyos. Kasi ako mismo hindi ko naisip na magugustuhan ko
dito. Ayaw ko nga dito eh. Pero kinailangan.

Kasabay ng pagdaan ng buhay (👈 naammaan!), unti-unti kong naintindihan kung bakit
ako nandito. Tulad nung nasa pinas pa ko, marami akong nakilala. Maraming buhay ang naging parte ako. Iba't ibang lahi, iba't ibang pinanggalingan. Noon ko pa nasasabi, ang daming dapat maranasan sa buhay. Pero dahil sa napakaikli ng lifespan ng
tao, the only best way to experience life is to connect with others.
Yang experience talagang yan, panalo. Love ko talaga…. parang
cheeseburger. Diba usually madali tayong maubusan ng cheeseburger?
Madami kasing me gusto. Pero dahil love na love mo, kahit sabihin sa
yo ng service crew na "mam/sir are you willing to wait for 15 mins?",
ready kang magsabi ng "yyeeess!!" kasi you know it's all worth it.
Kaya nga travel ang isa sa mga pinaggagawa ko. Travel = experience =
knowledge = wisdom. 

Dahil dito, nalaman kong gusto kong maging musikero dahil sa mga tao sa Paris. 

Nalaman ko na gusto ko maging potograpis (yung photographer na mahilig sa fish ahihihi!) dahil sa ganda ng Switzerland. 

Nalaman ko na mahilig ako tumingin sa mata ng mga bata dahil sa Cambodia. 

Nalaman ko na overwhelming ang bato, nakakaiyak, lalo na pagsingtanda na ng Rome.

At dahil dun marami na nga kong natuklasan - dahil sa
buhay ng mga taong nakakasalamuha ko. Sa mga taong nakikilala ko sa
bawat lugar na napupuntahan ko. Kaakibat kasi ng bawat hakbang mo sa
isang dayuhang lugar, ay ang kwento ng mga kasama mo. 

May na-rape nung bata pa. May nasa isang abusadong marriage. May naiwan ng magulang. May nagugutom at wala ng pera pero sige pa rin ang
pagtratravel-bahala na si batman!. May mga walang naranasan na
lungkot. May mga nalulungkot. May mga tao na nakadikit sa isang grupo
at tinatanggap ang lahat ng mali kahit alam nyang mali dahil wala na
syang mapupuntahan na iba. May mga tao namang mas gugustuhin pang mag-
isa kaysa makisama sa mali. May mga taong nakakulong sa paniniwala na
lagi silang tama. May mga taong naniniwala na ang tama ay ang boto o
opinyon ng karamihan.

At may mga taong ndi talaga natututo, na kahit ilang beses maputulan
ng tsinelas sa paglalayag, ndi pa rin maisip na magdala ng spare na
goma sa susunod na lakad.

Nalaman ko na habang patuloy ang ikot ng mundo, patuloy ang ikot ng
buhay. Minsan nga mas mabilis pa. Madaming nabibigo, madaming
nagtatagumpay. Pero sa kabila nun, bigo o tagumpay, meron pa ring mas
higit ang lungkot na katumbas. Madaming nagmamahal. Pero madami ding
bato. Lalo na sa templo.

Nalaman ko rin na even if you have all the best intentions in the
world, kahit sabihin mo pa sa pinakamagandang paraan ang nasa loob
mo, pag masama talaga ang gustong isipin ng isang tao, dala ng
inggit, galit, bitterness o ng kung ano pa mang ndi dulot ng mabuting
loob, meron at meron pa ring masasabi sa yo. Lalo na sa likod mo.
Wala ka ng magagawa dun. Pero alam mo na ndi na papantay sa dibdib ng
pato ang mga taong ganun. Sabi nga ng isang kaibigan ko, marami
talagang ampalaya sa mundo.

At ang kasamaan ay ndi tulad ng sa pelikula. Maraming maskara….
Layers and layers of it. Kelangan mong huminto at mag-isip ng mabuti
bago maintindihan na may mali. Na minsan, kelangan mong bumitiw para
makita ang kabuuan.

Oo nga pala… nalaman ko rin na mahilig ako sa "blue" clouds at iced
nescafe. =) Walang "blue" clouds. Imbento ko lang, pangbasag ng kwento sa isang grupo na nakasama ko sa Cambodia. Doon ko natutunan na madali lang makuha ang puso ng mga estranghero sa dalawang paraan: (1) pagkain (2) patawanin mo sila ... bonus points kapag at your own expense.

At baka pag nagkaamnesia ako, ang tanging makakapagpabalik ng alaala ko eh ang indonesian bbq chicken sa plaza singapura dito sa singapore.

Pero sa mga ngiti na nakita ko sa Cambodia, isa lang ang pinaalala
nito sa kin.

Miss ko na ang pinas. Ang buhay ko dyan. Ang mabuhay ng simple.
Makuntento sa kamatis, patis at kanin (Dito kasi puro chicken
noodles.). Ang mahiga sa hagdanang bato. At sumayaw ng "ooohh oohh
oohhh… hangin' tough!"

Me alok na nga kong magtrabaho dyan uli. Tanggapin ko pa kaya? Siguro
hindi muna. Kelan kaya ko uuwi? Kelan kaya matatapos ang kati ng mga
paa ko sa paglayo at pagliliwaliw? Kelan mawawala ang "sana" pag
napapanood ko ang Galapagos sa National Geographic? Pag nawalan na ko ng TV? =)

Sa pagdaan ng panahon, mas lumalim na ang mga bagay na hinahanap ko.
Malalim pero simple kaya lang parang ang hirap abutin.
Hindi ko rin talaga inaambisyon na mabuhay na matagal. Kaya
naiintindihan ko rin ang sarili ko *** pats m'own back*** . Ramdam ko
rin ang pagmamadali ko na malaman ang lahat sa buhay. Ang maranasan
ang lahat ng gusto kong maabot. Magagawa ko kaya lahat?

Linger na ang tumutugtog sa mp3 player ko. Naalala nyo pa ba yun?
Nasa bahay lang tayo. Me dalang mga gitara, nakikinig sa radyo. Naghihintay sa pinaupong manok na niluto sa dahon ng sampalok. Dala ko ang songhits ko nun. Kanta ng kanta –
"I swore I will be true.. so why were you holding her hand? Is that
the way we stand…. I'm in so deep… you know I'm such a fool for you.
You got me wrap around your finger, do you have to let it linger?"
Haay… Friday na. At 48 years na tong pagsusulat ko.

Peace be!

What it's like to be my Father

As a kid, I usually tinker with my dad's things, whenever he was around, or not, hehe, depending on my curiosity, but mostly because I was missing him (he was an OFW when I was growing up). That's when I found out about the times when he was also trying to learn the guitar or that he has an interest in photography, experimenting with this big ol' camera that he had (which I just found out recently from him was a pentax slr).

Yesterday, I had an interesting conversation with him. I just told him that I started photography again (My high school elective was Film Photography and I gave him my recognition award after finishing it =) ), experimenting on both films and digital photography. I told him that though I love both forms, I'm currently more in love with film.

He's the first one to fully understand me in that sense. He then told me that when he was working in Kodak lab, he used to sneak out during lunch, taking his Pentax camera out and shoot around, mostly on leaves and flowers (flowers, my father, haha!) and then go back to the lab and process the film himself. "Libre na yun, haha!", he said. He went on telling the story, nostalgic about getting excited on developing the film and being satisfied with the results.

And during the conversation, I can picture him clearly walking around, taking shots, because I also had experienced it. Maybe, if we've talked about it without me engaging on the same activities, I wouldn't be able to relate and join him on that short journey.

Journey. That moment, strike me then. We were crossing the same path, on a different timeframe. Someday, my kid (syempre claim haha) or Andrei, my nephew, might have the same interest, and I'll be having the same conversation again in the future, this time telling them about my experience and their Lolo's experience.

And that gave me peace. Isn't it nice to know someone you love? Isn't it nice to know that you share something inspite of the gap, i.e. age or place? Isn't it nice that even if others don't get you, one single person on earth (pwede ring venus or mars) knows what you're talking about and that person is the one that loves you the most? Sharing common interests is not enough, maybe experiencing the same situations can start it, but overall, it's the love that you share that connects you both, inspite of time and space.

This comes from knowing yourself and those that you love. It was overwhelming to experience that "light bulb" moment. And as he continued on with his story, I gazed on the wisdom of years between us both. I absorbed all the lessons he imparted me with, though I know that just listening to him is not enough to learn all the things that he had acquired all these years.

During our conversation though, there's just one point from him that I struggled with, which was to slowly move away from playing the keys (not to quit on music, but lessen the activities) and concentrate on other things. Like sons/daughters, we tend to believe that reaching a certain age gives you the license to say, "I know what I'm doing. No one can stop me...". But you know how fathers are; they tend to see the big picture. And though, he explains his reasons, he still, as always, will give me the choice to make the final decision. He ends it with, "Pero tama na yan, dyan ka na lang sa photography.".

As a kid, I'm always "pasaway", hehe, but my father has always had the patient heart with me. My love and respect doesn't only come from him being my father, but also because of all the years we shared together... more so because combined with the patience, he always has the firm hand of a father (ndi naman sya namamalo, but you get the point) whenever I'm about to go astray.

There was this one time, when I was about 10, when I wanted to play in the rain, just as my brother was allowed to do. But the night before, I was running a fever so my father won't let me. I did the paawa effect, the tantrums, everything, but my father was firm. I know that he wanted to let on a couple of times, but being a disciplinarian, he knows that if he lets go that day, it will not be for my own good. I didn't understand that day, I was a kid, but it left a mark.

He knows me too well. I know now because my grandmother, my mom and even my aunts will tell stories about my father. From those stories, I can get a hint that even though I look like my mom, I am like my dad. He knows that too, maybe from the day that I was born. He understands me, because I am his daughter, blood and all.

KC (o ang jologs na hehe), recently visited her dad in the US. On one of their conversations, Gabby told her "I knew that something would happen in your life that would make you run back and find me.'

And yeah it's true for all daughters like me. I'm glad, kahit ndi ako kasing ganda ni KC (haha!), I always have my father to run to whenever something happens in my life, good or bad.

"For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth." - Proverbs 3:12

The Lost Key

I work for a bank department that handles huge amount of transactions for corporate customers. When I was first told about my work, I was very excited about the challenge the job presents. Little did I know that with the big responsibility comes ... no, not spidey powers... but the stress and anxiety. This doesn't even come from the load of work but more on the office environment; more so on the politics and pressure we get everyday.

Years ago, it was common to hear executives in our department shouting at each other. It was common to see people with smug faces. It was common to hear colleagues in a shouting match on the phone, with them not even knowing whom they are talking to. It's astonishing to see somebody staring at the phone, shouting his lungs out as if he's trying to make a point with the phone unit. He hasn't even seen the face of the person he's talking to.

The amount of time spent in the office is 12 to 14 hours -- usually you just go home to catch some sleep and then continue to work at home.

Lately, this has changed, although you'll still hear a lot of curses now and then... only because there was a point where people were leaving their jobs for health reasons. Two years ago, I had a colleague who survived a heart attack. He only came back to the office to submit his resignation.

For some, although the pay is good, do not see the value of it all when their personal time is being robbed by their work, without even the smallest gratitude.

Because of the complaints received by upper management, there was a move to encourage a change in attitudes. You can't blame people though, because the slightest mistake will entail a big cost to the department, and ultimately to the company.

So you can imagine now how I was so stressed when I lost my key to my cupboard. I bore the issue for a long time, to the point of loosing sleep over it that I thank God that I'm finding the heart to laugh now about this experience.

I lost my key last November 2007 during a gig. I was so caught up with all the tension and excitement of playing in front of a huge crowd that it was two weeks later when I noticed that I lost it. That's when anxiety crept in. I searched all my bags, the whole flat and even my cubicle in the office but I can't find it.

The only solution is to go to our admin officer and ask for the duplicate. This is where my dilemma came in. The lady is very strict. She has a reputation of being obsessive-compulsive when it comes to orderliness, on being systematic on all things. A lot of people in our office are. The slightest mistake and you will hear a lot of monologues coupled with insults. Even the most humble person in our office received the same treatment when she made a mistake of asking for a fresh supply of paper on the wrong day. I do understand though. She receives all the complaints in the office: supplies, logistics, office politics. Her work affects a lot of people in our department, so she always has to deal with the "pasaways", and with all the negativity. A person can handle only as much, and of course in time you get to acquire the same attitude without even knowing it.

No I wasn't afraid of her. Rather, I was afraid of myself. The last thing that I want to happen is to say things back against her that will only provoke her to say something back. But saying what's on my mind is already an inherent character I can never control. I'm used to saying the truth in your face, and the more there is truth in what I say, the more hurt a person gets.

Fast forward to March 2008 (yes that was how long this issue lasted =) ). There were so many things that had happened in work that I totally forgot about my cupboard. It didn't contain anything that I use everyday, only project documents that I don't usually refer to. That's the reason or maybe I was just trying not to deal with the problem. But my boss announced our move to another office so I was forced to face it.

I searched my place again, all my bags, even the office. But I didn't find the key. In my desperation, I brought all my house keys, a Swiss knife and a scissor and tried them all in the cupboard. I even searched the net for the manufacturer and tried to key in the serial no so that I can ask for the duplicate.

And then there was God. =)

At this point, I think He was just smiling as all these things are happening, silently telling His self "Here she goes again."

Even when I was trying to solve my problem, I was already praying to Him to do this or do that ... "Lord, pls help me find the key in this bag.. Lord, please help me find the key under my table... Lord, please let me open the cupboard with the Swiss knife..."

In my heart, I know what the solution was: to ask our admin officer. But I was like a little kid who did something wrong in school, too afraid to confront the principal, even though I was with my Father.

Two days before the move, I was literally crying to God to solve the problem in my own conditions. I was even trading Him all my good deeds in exchange for the missing key, i.e. "Lord, I did this for You.. I did that for You..." but still nothing happened.

Something else did. My immediate boss came to me that morning to ask if all my things have been packed and if I could manage to label the other PCs our team owns. I said ok, but that I have a problem, I lost my key for my cupboard.

His expression suddenly changed, and full of sympathy, he asked, "What did you do?". I said, "Nothing yet". He said, "okay, just approach her, if you want I can accompany you, but whatever you hear, just let it pass through one ear and the next."

I said, "it's okay, I can deal with it."

He said, "Ok, let me know if there will be problems."

After that conversation, I felt a slow relief. I think God was trying to tell me to listen to Him and made His presence felt through my immediate boss. He's assuring me that whatever happens, He is in the midst of all of it.

Still, I didn't have the courage to approach her that day. But that night, in my prayer time, I focused on one prayer.

"Lord, I know that even though You are faithful to Your Promises, I still have doubts in my heart. You know where this weakness comes from. But in spite of these doubts, I know that You will touch her heart. I know that when I finally have the courage that the Spirit will give me, You will make sure that she will understand my situation."

And then, this verse came...

"Fear thou not; For I am with you: be not dismayed; for I am your God: I will strengthen you: Yes, I will help you; Yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness." - Isaiah 41:10.

o-ha. Me verse pa. Ganyan kalupit si God. (^_^)

I can't go to anyone with my problem because it is such a small deal. I was even angry with myself because I can't deal with the situation and had to ask God for such a simple thing. "Ano ba, ang daming nagugutom at walang bahay? Susi lang ndi mo pa masolve!"

But He truly knows us. Inside and out. Maybe for some people, this is not a huge deal. Like all other problems in life, we have our own strengths and weaknesses, our own way to solve conflicts. I think, for Him, this is one perfect time to teach me to truly rely on Him. Not on myself.

I have this fallacy that God doesn't answer our prayers because there's another will involve: that it's up to another person to decide whether to follow God's will or righteousness. In this case, God showed me that it's not true. That if He truly wills it, things will happen according to His plan. By hook or by crook.

Back to the story.

The day after, one day before the move, I finally had the courage to approach our admin officer. I told her I lost my key. Told her the story. And then apologize for committing the mistake. I then asked if I can borrow the duplicate.

There was a small discussion. But everything was dealt civilly. Then she tells me I need to shoulder the expense for the duplicate.

No shouting. No accusation. I remained humble and she remained professional.

The colleague listening to our conversation told me afterwards, "That was the first time I heard her talk calmly."

I don't know what happened. Maybe I was just at the right place at the right time, catching her with the good mood. Maybe I have done some goodness to her in the past and she recalls it. Maybe not. One thing I'm sure of is God did fulfil His promise to me. I whispered a short prayer of thanks, promising to share this story to people so they can draw some sort of inspiration. Even if at the back of my mind, I know there will be people who will not be able to understand such a silly thing. I'm just thankful He used a not-so complicated situation to remind me of His Love. I think even before I promised to do that, He already knew that I'd be writing about it.

I duplicate the key that day (made two copies, one for a souvenir =) ), bought a small pack of Ferrero chocs and went back to our admin officer. Together with the chocs was a small note I made her, thanking her for letting me borrow the duplicate.

She touched my arm and smiled "ayoh.. you didn't need to." But in my heart I knew she needed someone to warm her heart.

This is the lesson I got. That whatever problem(s) we have, God is faithful. He will never leave your side. Even if you don't "feel" Him. Our answers sometimes don't come in packages that we expect. It's okay. Trust in His Wisdom. He has a bigger plan.

"Father, thank You for Your amazing love for me. I trust in Your mercy and look to Your Son on the cross for healing and salvation." Thank You for making me an instrument of Your message. This is for Your Glory.

Burning Bridges

When changes are instituted, it is not uncommon for people to seek ways to go back the old way of working, particularly after the eagle eye of change agents have moved onto change projects anew.

'Burning bridges' is a deliberate way of preventing any backsliding by removing any method by which people can go back. This can be a bold move when you are not sure whether what you are doing will succeed. It does, however concentrate minds, ...

and people who may be not fully committed to the change are now strongly motivated to continue.

In warfare, burning a bridge behind you stops any thought of retreat and forces you to advance.

-- based on a quote in http://changingminds.org/

Ndi naman ako ang nag-burn ng bridges, thank God for that. Yet slowly I feel I'm motivated to do so.

I don't really know if it's the point of no return. Mas masaya syempre kung inspite of my decision, kung inspite of being true to myself, people can accept it. After all, walang taong perfect.

Siguro ang pinakamasama lang sa loob tanggapin is, you tried to accept people for who they are, pero pag ikaw na, parang ang hirap para sa kanila. This really, i think, is the best way to test any friendship. Minsan wala namang talagang tama o mali. Yun nga lang, me mga limit ang tao, and maturity comes in when kaya mong tanggapin ang nakikita mong incompatibility or imperfections (which may only be subjective) . The moment you can't, and when there's no more trust, then maybe it's really time to move on.

Siguro nga mas madali kung mag-pretend na lang na okay ang lahat, ngumiti pag nagkitakita. I was just banking on the other "maybe" part... baka pwedeng i-base sa totoong pagsasama.

hhmm... tama siguro yung isang kaibigan ko. ang totoo, ndi ako napagod sa kung anuman, but on working to make things good para maging strong ang bond. mahirap lang talaga sumagwan kung mag-isa ka lang at marami kayo... iba-iba ang goals... iba-iba ang priorities... at sa bandang huli, pag madali para sa karamihan sumuko. Mahirap dalhin ang relasyon mag-isa.

"Marami pang malalapitan, mababait at ndi naman pihikan." -- hehe jologs. pero dapat ba talaga ganun? relationships are not like dresses or shoes you just pick up and drop off the minute it doesn't work for you, right?

This one taught me this lesson. Maybe there's a bit of truth it. Time will tell.

"We don't have to pretend that we weren't hurt or that the other person wasn't wrong. We just have to decide to take our hurt to God and to try our best to forgive. " - 15Feb Word Amoung Us, Meditation

Later

How could you come with me
When you knew all along that you had to go
How could you watch me be (sleep talaga to, ndi bagay eh hehe)
So close to you
Pretendin' not to know

How could you memorise my name
And forget who i am
How could you think
You're still the same
Believing i can

It's too late to start pretending
It's too late for a new beginning
Later than the sunset
Later that the rain
Later than never to love you again

How could you ask for more
With an innocent smile
Trusting me to stay
How could you close the door
And leave me here
Supposing i'm ok

How could you break down my disguise
And uncover my fears
How could you look into my eyes
Ignoring my tears

It's too late to start pretending
It's too late for a new beginning
Later that the sunset
Later than the rain
Later than never to love you again

Its too late...