This is not a poem

i fell in love and lost the battle..
You brought me far away from those who love me...
You gave me music but then You took it all away
Friends came and then left,
It's all starting to bear on me.

Why can't I just listen?
Even if You assure me of Your plans,
of Your might hand,
Why am I still feeling lost?
Why do I still have the urge to run away?
Why can't I trust that even if I seem to drift, You're here with me?

My misery has worn out my listener
For who can love such company
I wish I could say I can choose to be happy
but in the midst of my worship, I'm feeling crushed
no longer in control, no longer the happy follower
only broken & weary as I look at You on the cross.

How many times did I feel this way?
It's like a no ending ferriz wheel ride for me
When I'm down, I try very hard to put myself up
Reaching to everyone, someone to give me a hand
But when I finally do and reach that certain high
Time seems too fast, too short...
and then I find myself downcast again
falling slowly..
I'm getting tired of it.

That's why I want to run away
to somewhere safe where I won't be hurt
where I won't fall
where people don't judge, assume something apart from who I truly am
and will not be able to hurt me this way.

You know my heart Lord
I like to believe that even if it's not perfect
that sometimes I can still make You smile
that sometimes I'm capable of what's right in Your eyes
But this time I'm just too hurt, too worn out
Let Your Spirit rain down.