You're the one that puts fire in my soul.

Friend, if I am quiet... if it seems that I'm closing my door to you…. If I smile and then look aloof… It's not you. It's me. I'm afraid everything's written in my face nowadays. And I fear you’re already too close to the truth. Yes, I’m playing a masquerade. I long to talk to you again, to share those happy smiles... the laughter. But I don't have the courage to reach out lately, specially to you. You don't know though, but once you look away, I follow you with my gaze. And I pray to God that somehow He’ll moved you to look back at me again. If not, then only a miracle from Him can bring you back to me. This time for something more real.

And if people say it’s not you but some other person, they’re wrong.

Because there's a powerful message today that touched my heart.

For the past weeks... no, months, I was living a life of confusion. I still am. I have reached a point where I've already decided to let go. To run away again.

I opened Streams today and I saw this...

"Fear not Daniel, from the first day you made up your mind to acquire understanding and humble yourself before God, your prayer was heard. Because of it I started out, but the prince of the kingdom of Persia stood in my way for twenty-one days, until finally Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me. I left him there with the prince of the kings of Persia and came to make you understand what shall happen to your people in the days to come; for there is yet a vision concerning those days." Daniel 10:12-14

As I was reading this, I felt overwhelmed. But yes, I still had the doubt in my heart. And that's why I know now that I'm being disturbed by the enemy.

"Daniel, beloved, understand the words which I am speaking to you; stand up, for my mission now is to you." Daniel 10:11.

And I can only answer back with the same words that Daniel had said, "I heard, but I did not understand; so I asked, "My lord, what follows this?" Daniel 12:8.

Just like Daniel, these days, I don't have the strength or breath left in me. Is this same message for me? How can I be sure? I'm already so weak I don't even have the strength to believe.

"Fear not, beloved, you are safe; take courage and be strong." Daniel 10:19

In my mind, I know He’s by my side. But my heart is too clouded; I am not in control anymore.

And as Daniel have said, i pray "Speak, my Lord, for You have strengthened me."

“Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7, NLT).

So I pray,

I already know who the cause of this confusion is. And to overcome, I need to go away for awhile. To not see or talk to him for awhile. At least until everything's ok with me, and the cloud of confusion has passed by. It's funny that our enemy knows so much about me, I am so easily overturned by him. But with You, nothing's impossible. I need to rest in You. I praise and worship You for standing by my side.

I really didn't mean for love to happen. I just realized I was falling. And I have been here before. I know what this will lead me too. So I'll deal with it the only way I know how. And that's to stay away the soonest possible.

I’m sorry for giving up the one thing I love. But I can serve You in other ways, You know that.

This time though I need Your love and guidance badly. To always feel Your presence. Because I already know what unrequited love is all about. This time I already am acquainted with the pain. And that’s why I’m so afraid. We’ve been together in the past, helping me battle the same field. And though others might be willing to listen and help, You’re the only one who truly understood. So please be my guiding light, loving and caring like no one could.

Humbly.. I come before you.
Hold me... I offer my life.
Offering a less and perfect heart.
You're the one I'm living for.
You're the one that I adore.

You're the one that puts fire in my soul.